19 Things From 2019:
just a few lessons and ebenezers I picked up along the way in 2019.
just a few lessons and ebenezers I picked up along the way in 2019.
- Live as people who are f r e e - “If you forget, just lift your head, my banner over you is love.” -Travis Greene and Steffany Gretzinger
- Restoration is not immediate but it is still beautiful.
- Love does not keep account.
- We need people and community, not just self help books and advice.
- There is a cost that accompanies ministry but also a beautiful joy.
- In terms of beauty and body image: “This is a good body because God made it and lives in it, so I will treat it as such.” - Jess Connolly
- The gospel enables to handle the truth about how broken we really are.
- Experiences are sweeter than photographs.
- “How we walk with the broken speaks louder than how we sit with the great.” - Bill Bennot
- It is okay to struggle through seasons of change.
- A life poured out is the sweetest life we can live.
- We are not Home yet.
- You can have thick skin and a tender heart at the same time.
- Kindness and gentleness are not signs of not weakness.
- There is joy to be had right here in the mess of things.
- It is important to learn how to love without being recognized for it.
- Coffee shops offer a special kind of peace and quiet.
- “Though the winter is long, even richer, the harvest it brings. Though my waiting prolongs, even greater, Your promise for me.” - Hillsong
- He does what He says He’ll do.
1. Everything God does is an act of mercy.
- This year I've learned to see His faithfulness in everything. Rend Collective has a song that says "what's true in the light is still true in the dark." And because of the cross, we know that what is true is that God is good, loving, and merciful, so even painful situations are merciful.
- Ah growing pains and growing up; you can't avoid either. It can be scary but it can also be so beautiful.
4. I’ve been set free to live a life poured out.
- "If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full." - John Piper
- "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth." - 1 Corinthians 3:6
6. It’s better to try to listen than to try to be heard.
7. Being faithful is more important than being understood.
- Jesus never stopped and explained Himself. Jesus didn't stop and correct people when they misunderstood and even misrepresented Him; He didn't over explain all his decisions until everyone agreed and approved. He simply walked in the will of His Father, understood or not.
9. Everyone’s story is important.
10. Seasons of sorrow give us grit and help us learn how to take heart.
- "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
- letters, listening, the little parts of loving people-- they go a long way.
- This children's story illustrates empathy more beautifully than I could ever try to in a blog post:
"It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore. "Hello Eeyore," said Pooh. "Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a glum sounding voice. "We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay." Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather sad, and alone, and not much fun to be around at all. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is sad, and alone, and not much fun to be around at all, would you now?" Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house. Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?""We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling sad, or alone, or not much fun to be around at all. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."
"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were there. No more; no less."
15. Being strong doesn’t mean pretending to not be sad. Being brave doesn't mean being unphased.
16. You don’t have to be blooming to be growing.
- Hard, tearful seasons filled with losses bring just as much beautiful growth as seasons full of victories.
- You will never regret it.
"A million miles, a hundred lifetimes, I'd never find another You. I found a diamond in the desert, another Story wouldn't do." - Steffany Gretzinger
This season was unexpected and at first, unwelcome. I wanted nothing to do with it at first; I didn't want others to know about circumstances that felt like failures, I didn't want to look at the cards it felt like I was handed. Instead of open hands, I found myself with very tearful eyes, a disappointed, discontent heart, and a heavy soul. I walked into it carrying a lot of burdens I wasn't quite sure how to lay down. I timidly approached the season feeling unwanted, not good enough, unchosen, and ashamed.
When people asked me how post-grad life was, I would stutter and stammer and feel embarassed that I didn't have a well prepared answer. I hated saying that I was just trying to figure it all out, that I was just trying to survive this weird thing called young adulthood. After a while, I started to realize I didn't have to be perfectly understood by everyone, I didn't need every single person's approval, I just needed to be faithful in the little things.
I definitely had written another story in my head and my heart for myself and for this season of life called my twenties. My story felt polished and pretty, it had been reviewed so many times in my head that it felt safe, but as I sit in the rest that the Lord offers me in the waiting, I see what the title of this post says is abundantly true, another story other than the one God had written for me wouldn't do.
This year has been such a blessing already; I walked into it doubtful and disappointed because I thought the Lord was withholding from me when He was actually offering even more than I thought I wanted. God gave me a this sweet season to be immersed in some full-time, full-on, full-of-joy ministry.
This season was unexpected and at first, unwelcome. I wanted nothing to do with it at first; I didn't want others to know about circumstances that felt like failures, I didn't want to look at the cards it felt like I was handed. Instead of open hands, I found myself with very tearful eyes, a disappointed, discontent heart, and a heavy soul. I walked into it carrying a lot of burdens I wasn't quite sure how to lay down. I timidly approached the season feeling unwanted, not good enough, unchosen, and ashamed.
When people asked me how post-grad life was, I would stutter and stammer and feel embarassed that I didn't have a well prepared answer. I hated saying that I was just trying to figure it all out, that I was just trying to survive this weird thing called young adulthood. After a while, I started to realize I didn't have to be perfectly understood by everyone, I didn't need every single person's approval, I just needed to be faithful in the little things.
I definitely had written another story in my head and my heart for myself and for this season of life called my twenties. My story felt polished and pretty, it had been reviewed so many times in my head that it felt safe, but as I sit in the rest that the Lord offers me in the waiting, I see what the title of this post says is abundantly true, another story other than the one God had written for me wouldn't do.
This year has been such a blessing already; I walked into it doubtful and disappointed because I thought the Lord was withholding from me when He was actually offering even more than I thought I wanted. God gave me a this sweet season to be immersed in some full-time, full-on, full-of-joy ministry.
I saw girls come to faith; I saw girls who have been growing since their freshmen year fall even more in love with Jesus.
I got to teach little girls about Jesus through ballet and see them worship Him through it instead of worshiping dance itself. I honestly never dreamed I would get to use dance in a career path much less that dance would be so redeemed for me, that I would no longer idolize it but delight in it as God had always intended.
I got to teach little girls about Jesus through ballet and see them worship Him through it instead of worshiping dance itself. I honestly never dreamed I would get to use dance in a career path much less that dance would be so redeemed for me, that I would no longer idolize it but delight in it as God had always intended.
I think my theme for this in between season would have to be abundantly more because He really does provide abundantly more than we could ever imagine or dream up. I thought God was withholding my desires when I entered this season, and now that I'm embracing it instead of running from it, I see He's offering me even more than I thought I wanted. It's like He's saying, "I have even more for you, daughter, come embrace it all."
And I'm learning it's okay to not be understood. It's okay if we don't quite fit other people's molds. It's alright if people don't see what God is doing in our lives because either way, He will still work. We don't need to be understood, we just need to keep being faithful wherever we can.
Now this coming fall, I get to go learn about serving Him locally and globally through the beautiful field of nursing. Through nursing, I feel called to meet people in the messiest parts of life that are overwhelmingly broken and love and minister to them there.
And I'm learning it's okay to not be understood. It's okay if we don't quite fit other people's molds. It's alright if people don't see what God is doing in our lives because either way, He will still work. We don't need to be understood, we just need to keep being faithful wherever we can.
Now this coming fall, I get to go learn about serving Him locally and globally through the beautiful field of nursing. Through nursing, I feel called to meet people in the messiest parts of life that are overwhelmingly broken and love and minister to them there.
I'm in quite the in between season this fall. In between a twenty-something and a full-time adult. In between college and a calling, in between on my own and somewhat attached, in between a lot of things to be completely and vulnerably honest.
And when I took a first look, I was absolutely terrified, I was even embarrassed to not have it all together like most of my friends. I had friends getting big kid jobs, friends immediately getting accepted into post-undergrad programs, friends with diamond rings on their left hand all of the sudden, friends doing vocational ministry, and looking at my position, I felt a little stuck, and I was doubtful of how "in between" could be glorifying at all.
It didn't feel neat or pretty. In between wasn't something I could write in pretty calligraphy in my planner. It didn't feel organized. Most of all, in between feels scary to me because it isn't something I can control.
But even just 2 weeks in to this season, I see glory. I prayed to be used and the Lord has handed me sweet, sweet opportunities to serve Him on the college campus and in a dance program. It's a sweet reminder that I don't have to give my resume to God to be used; I just have to say "yes" when He opens doors.
God doesn't care if I have to re-take classes to re-apply to nursing school; God doesn't mind that I'm not engaged or in a serious relationship. God isn't hindered by my fears or insecurities; He can and will work without me, but life is so much more abundant when I say "yes" to these sweet opportunities for ministry.
It's all proclaiming who You are. You're beautiful. - Phil Wickham
He proclaims Himself in all of it, even the messy parts.
And when I took a first look, I was absolutely terrified, I was even embarrassed to not have it all together like most of my friends. I had friends getting big kid jobs, friends immediately getting accepted into post-undergrad programs, friends with diamond rings on their left hand all of the sudden, friends doing vocational ministry, and looking at my position, I felt a little stuck, and I was doubtful of how "in between" could be glorifying at all.
It didn't feel neat or pretty. In between wasn't something I could write in pretty calligraphy in my planner. It didn't feel organized. Most of all, in between feels scary to me because it isn't something I can control.
But even just 2 weeks in to this season, I see glory. I prayed to be used and the Lord has handed me sweet, sweet opportunities to serve Him on the college campus and in a dance program. It's a sweet reminder that I don't have to give my resume to God to be used; I just have to say "yes" when He opens doors.
God doesn't care if I have to re-take classes to re-apply to nursing school; God doesn't mind that I'm not engaged or in a serious relationship. God isn't hindered by my fears or insecurities; He can and will work without me, but life is so much more abundant when I say "yes" to these sweet opportunities for ministry.
It's all proclaiming who You are. You're beautiful. - Phil Wickham
He proclaims Himself in all of it, even the messy parts.
1) Give me a servant heart, Lord, since I have been served.
2) Help me listen in love instead of just trying to respond in wisdom.
3) Help me love radically.
4) Help me celebrate others without the sting of comparison.
5) Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
6) Let my life be about sharing the Gospel.
7) Build my life upon Your Love.
8) Orient my heart towards gratitude instead of insecurity.
9) Only let me speak when my words build others up.
10) Help me want to give more than I receive.
11) Fix my eyes on eternal things.
12) Help me remember that people have souls when I look at them.
13) Help me love because I have been loved.
14) Help me look outside of myself and outside my view.
15) Help me love people even when it's hard.
16) Orient my heart to give people the benefit of doubt.
17) Give me an attitude of grace.
18) Give me a spirit of love and hope that is stronger than the habit of timidity and fear.
amen.
2) Help me listen in love instead of just trying to respond in wisdom.
3) Help me love radically.
4) Help me celebrate others without the sting of comparison.
5) Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
6) Let my life be about sharing the Gospel.
7) Build my life upon Your Love.
8) Orient my heart towards gratitude instead of insecurity.
9) Only let me speak when my words build others up.
10) Help me want to give more than I receive.
11) Fix my eyes on eternal things.
12) Help me remember that people have souls when I look at them.
13) Help me love because I have been loved.
14) Help me look outside of myself and outside my view.
15) Help me love people even when it's hard.
16) Orient my heart to give people the benefit of doubt.
17) Give me an attitude of grace.
18) Give me a spirit of love and hope that is stronger than the habit of timidity and fear.
amen.
17 lessons I learned this year:
1. Real love is loving people without expecting anything in return.
2. Discipling others is the most joyful thing you can do with your life.
4. Authenticity is always better than pretending.
5. People are hard to love. Love them anyways. Why? You are hard to love too.
6. Suffering enables you to comfort others.
7. It is more joyful to put other people first.
8. Hurt people hurt people.
9. You will never regret sharing the good news of Jesus.
10. Someone not loving you does not shatter your identity.
11. We still battle sin, but we are no longer enslaved to it.
12. Letters are handwritten happiness.
13. Comparison creates resentment; thankfulness creates rejoicing.
14. Good leaders are willing to serve.
15. True bravery doesn't require recognition.
16. True kindness doesn't beg for applause.
17. Love people the way they want to be loved; not just the way you would like to be loved.
1. Real love is loving people without expecting anything in return.
- “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers,i what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. -- Matthew 5:43-48
2. Discipling others is the most joyful thing you can do with your life.
- For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? For you are our glory and joy. -- 1 Thessalonians 2:19-20
4. Authenticity is always better than pretending.
5. People are hard to love. Love them anyways. Why? You are hard to love too.
6. Suffering enables you to comfort others.
- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. -- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
7. It is more joyful to put other people first.
8. Hurt people hurt people.
9. You will never regret sharing the good news of Jesus.
10. Someone not loving you does not shatter your identity.
11. We still battle sin, but we are no longer enslaved to it.
12. Letters are handwritten happiness.
13. Comparison creates resentment; thankfulness creates rejoicing.
14. Good leaders are willing to serve.
15. True bravery doesn't require recognition.
16. True kindness doesn't beg for applause.
17. Love people the way they want to be loved; not just the way you would like to be loved.
Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone - Mirror of Desires Scene
“Can you think what the Mirror of Erised shows us all?" Harry shook his head.
"Let me explain. The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?"
Harry thought. Then he said slowly, "It shows us what we want... whatever we want..."
"Yes and no," said Dumbledore quietly.
"It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.
"The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don't you put that admirable cloak back on and get off to bed.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
It started when I was 4. My mom took me to see Beauty and the Beast, and the moment the curtains opened, I was entranced.
My mom says she knew I'd end up doing ballet after she took me to that show; apparently it was all I could talk about.
The tutus, the dancers, the beauty, the stories, the theatre, the grace. Little did I know ballet would be used to display a different, far more beautiful kind of grace in my life and testimony when I became older.
Earlier I shared a quote from Harry Potter about a mirror, a mirror that showed the deepest desire of the person in front of it. I know that if I was Harry, standing in front of that mirror, I would've seen loveliness. I would've seen loveliness when I was 7; I would've seen it when I was 17.
I thought I could use ballet to find loveliness. The art in itself is a display of beauty. The dancers are beautiful, the movement is beautiful, the stage is beautiful, the music is beautiful, ballet is beautiful.
But it wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough.
So then I tried to be the best. I tried to be the skinniest, the most talented, the hardest worker, I tried and tried and tried. I thought I could find loveliness by trying to be found lovely. I thought the more acceptance letters I received, the more job offers I got, the more applause I could earn, the more loveliness I thought I'd feel.
But I still didn't feel lovely.
"And they tell you that you're lucky, but you're so confused 'cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used." - The Lucky One, Taylor Swift
When I was 17, Jesus rescued me from myself. It was then that I realized I hadn't understood what I saw in the mirror. I thought I wanted to be found lovely, but what I wanted was to actually find the loveliness.
Jesus was the loveliness.
Jesus was the perfection I could never reach.
When directors told me no, Jesus opened His arms.
When I compared myself to other dancers, Jesus covered my imperfections.
I would never be enough, but Jesus always would.
God redeemed ballet from something I was enslaved to. I was enslaved to bitterness, envy of other dancers, insecurity, and I had let the enemy steal the joy of ballet from me.
When I met Jesus, He offered me back my passion. He offered me a gift of something I could find joy in.
Jesus gave me a ballet that was so much more than it had formerly been in my life.
Ballet that reflected the loveliness of God instead of loveliness I had to attain.
“Can you think what the Mirror of Erised shows us all?" Harry shook his head.
"Let me explain. The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?"
Harry thought. Then he said slowly, "It shows us what we want... whatever we want..."
"Yes and no," said Dumbledore quietly.
"It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.
"The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don't you put that admirable cloak back on and get off to bed.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
It started when I was 4. My mom took me to see Beauty and the Beast, and the moment the curtains opened, I was entranced.
My mom says she knew I'd end up doing ballet after she took me to that show; apparently it was all I could talk about.
The tutus, the dancers, the beauty, the stories, the theatre, the grace. Little did I know ballet would be used to display a different, far more beautiful kind of grace in my life and testimony when I became older.
Earlier I shared a quote from Harry Potter about a mirror, a mirror that showed the deepest desire of the person in front of it. I know that if I was Harry, standing in front of that mirror, I would've seen loveliness. I would've seen loveliness when I was 7; I would've seen it when I was 17.
I thought I could use ballet to find loveliness. The art in itself is a display of beauty. The dancers are beautiful, the movement is beautiful, the stage is beautiful, the music is beautiful, ballet is beautiful.
But it wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough.
So then I tried to be the best. I tried to be the skinniest, the most talented, the hardest worker, I tried and tried and tried. I thought I could find loveliness by trying to be found lovely. I thought the more acceptance letters I received, the more job offers I got, the more applause I could earn, the more loveliness I thought I'd feel.
But I still didn't feel lovely.
"And they tell you that you're lucky, but you're so confused 'cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used." - The Lucky One, Taylor Swift
When I was 17, Jesus rescued me from myself. It was then that I realized I hadn't understood what I saw in the mirror. I thought I wanted to be found lovely, but what I wanted was to actually find the loveliness.
Jesus was the loveliness.
Jesus was the perfection I could never reach.
When directors told me no, Jesus opened His arms.
When I compared myself to other dancers, Jesus covered my imperfections.
I would never be enough, but Jesus always would.
God redeemed ballet from something I was enslaved to. I was enslaved to bitterness, envy of other dancers, insecurity, and I had let the enemy steal the joy of ballet from me.
When I met Jesus, He offered me back my passion. He offered me a gift of something I could find joy in.
Jesus gave me a ballet that was so much more than it had formerly been in my life.
Ballet that reflected the loveliness of God instead of loveliness I had to attain.